Death Sentence

I’m fighting with myself.
Torn between two paths.
Life and death.
The decision crushes me.

I’m weighing up the pros and cons.
Breathing against relief.
Suffering beside peace.
Her screaming versus total silence.

What do I have to survive for?
A child who won’t yet remember me?
Family and friends who are suffering with me?
Or a life full of misery and torture?

I’m trying to hold on too tightly.
I’d much rather just slip away.
Let me sever ties with everything and everyone.
I just want to leave.

My pros for death are more convincing.
Relief, peace, numbness, complete nothingness.
Knowing that I wouldn’t feel this constant agony.
That I wouldn’t have to suffer this injustice.

My curse.
My destruction.
Punishment for my worldly crimes.
The final death sentence.