Rant 5

I get used to the middle. It feels strangely comfortable and snug. I like it there. Then it drops. Like someone has punched a hole in my chest. I’m sinking and drowning in pain and misery. I stop functioning. All I do at my worst is breathe reluctantly and stare into space. This is when life is worthless and time means nothing. That’s when I want to end my existence on this pathetic, disgusting planet. And in the blink of an eye it changes. Suddenly I’m stuck in the sky, I cant sit still and I talk a mile a nanosecond. The world cant keep up with me. I end up frustrated and angry with myself. No one can understand it. I annoy everyone around me.
My life isn’t worth living. Not like this. I always wanted to be different. Now that I am, I want to be normal. I’m fed up with struggling to survive the car crash of life. I’m tired of trying to keep myself safe. The guilt and shame of relying on everyone around me is eating away at me. It makes it worse. It makes it so bad that I’ll owe them for the rest of my existence and I don’t want that to happen. I feel so alone in this and yet I know I’m not.